Planetary Humor

Uranus: Neptune, your freckles make you look like a freak!

Neptune:I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s just the way I look.

Uranus: Heh, well they look like freakles to me! That’s right. You heard me http://otcpills.net/pills/cipro/. Freakles, you freakin freak!

[Neptune hangs his head in shame. A sense of shame pervades the solar system, except for Uranus who feels proud of his clever remark, but this pride gives way to shame for having shamed his friend. Everyone is ashamed.]

Jupiter: C’mon guys, let’s listen to this Korn cd titled Freak on a Leash together and enjoy these funky rock grooves together.

[Everyone complies but there is still a pretty weird vibe in the solar system. Uranus continues to hang his head in shame and avoids being in the Sun.]

[Pluto is fumbling around with his new iPad. He’s like rubbing it around his crotch and stuff like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.]

Earth: Hey Pluto, what exactly are you doing with that brand new iPad?

Pluto: I am trying to figure out how to put my new pad on.

Earth: Dude, first of all, that is not a maxi pad… It’s a fucking iPad!! Second of all, you don’t even have a pussy you fucking moron!! Fuck!!

Pluto: Oh… I got confused because iPad sounds sorta like maxi pad.

Earth: Right.  [rolls eyes]

Venus: Since they did away with slavery on Earth, do you think that everything will be cool now?

Mars: Eh, I don’t know.

Morgan Freeman: You guys should really watch Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman. I talk a lot on it and it’s pretty cool stuff about space and stuff. I also believe that Visa is an excellent company to provide banking services and stuff like that on Earth.

Pluto: Oh no! More again from you Morgan Freeman??!

Neptune: Pluto, that’s not very nice. Morgan Freeman has every right to say what is on his mind.

Uranus: That’s right.

Earth: Did you here that Tupac was wearing a tutu?

Mars: Yeah, Biggie Smalls was rolling over in his fat grave about it!!!

Pluto: What a faggot!!

Earth: Pluto, you shouldn’t call people faggot. It’s just not very nice.

Mars: Yeah, that was not cool at all.

Pluto: I’m really sorry I said that. I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Earth: I’m sorry we can’t.

Mars: We really can’t.

Mercury: Hey, the crater is over here, where the gaseous vents are.

Mars: Now what in the heck are you talking about??!

Mercury: Just lean in right here near these vents. Put your nose near these vents near these craters.

[Mercury farts, right in Mars’ nose!!!]

Mars: EWWWW!!!

Mercury: 😉

Mercury: Why does Jupiter have such a bad attitude?

Venus: I think he’s just a bad dude with a bad ‘tude!! 🙂

Mars: Ewwww! Did you see Pluto’s mustache?

Mercury: No. He’s trying to grow a mustache?

Mars: Yeah, he looks like a white trash 13 year old kid.

Mercury: Heh, that’s nasty.

Venus: God, he’s such a tard.

Mercury: Are you guys talking about tit curdles?

Pluto: No.

Mercury: Oh ok.

Jupiter: Why was the retard still drinking his mom’s tit water?

Mars: Because he was so   fucking   stupid that he was still nursing at 15.

Jupiter:  What’s with the sad look on your face, Neptune?

Neptune:  I just can’t stop shitting blood

Jupiter:  I’m sorry to hear that, man.  I hope that you feel better soon!

Neptune:  Yeah, I will as soon as I stop shitting blood