Planetary Humor

Q. What did they call Lockheed Martin after they changed into a company that made snacks for a living?

A. Snackheed Martin!!!

Oh no you didn’t Shenaynay!!!! WooBoy! 😉

[Pluto is fumbling around with his new iPad. He’s like rubbing it around his crotch and stuff like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.]

Earth: Hey Pluto, what exactly are you doing with that brand new iPad?

Pluto: I am trying to figure out how to put my new pad on.

Earth: Dude, first of all, that is not a maxi pad… It’s a fucking iPad!! Second of all, you don’t even have a pussy you fucking moron!! Fuck!!

Pluto: Oh… I got confused because iPad sounds sorta like maxi pad.

Earth: Right.  [rolls eyes]

Earth: Did you here that Tupac was wearing a tutu?

Mars: Yeah, Biggie Smalls was rolling over in his fat grave about it!!!

Pluto: What a faggot!!

Earth: Pluto, you shouldn’t call people faggot. It’s just not very nice.

Mars: Yeah, that was not cool at all.

Pluto: I’m really sorry I said that. I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Earth: I’m sorry we can’t.

Mars: We really can’t.

Earth: hey man, 420, have some of this!

[Earth passes Pluto a bong with some killer nugz packed up. One thing is though, the bong water is really stale and gross. It looks really dirty in the bong.]

Pluto: Oh thanks! I’m really glad we are friends!

[Pluto drinks all of the bong water in the bong and swallows it!!! Not only that, but Neptune has been using the bong as a dip spit cup for like two weeks!!!]

Earth: Ewwww!! God you are stupid!!

Pluto: I’m sorry I messed up. 🙁 Can we look past this incident and continue to work on our friendship?

Earth: Ugh…. I guess.

Mercury: Have u heard the new Funkytown Hardbodies cd?

Earth: No.

Mercury: My favorite song is “Blade Until You Fade To Ash.”

Earth: Does it look like I give a shit at all?

Mercury: Come to think of it, not really. :’-(

Q. What planet is Pro-life?

A. Earth, because it’s the only planet with life on it! The rest are probably pro-choice.

Neptune: Have you seen the movie Harry and the Hendersons?

Earth: Yes, but I like calling it Hairy and the Hendersons

Mars: Hmmph… That reminds me of a really hairy pussy.

Jupiter: Gross!!!

[ It smells like fish ]

Venus: My neck hurts!!!!

Earth: Jesus fucking Christ!! Quit bitching about it!!!!

Earth:  Dad?

Earth’s Dad:  Yes son?

Earth:  Where do baby planets come from?

Earth’s Dad:  Well son.. When two planets love each other very much for several trillions of years, they invite all of  their friends over for a huge orgy called the Big Bang.  They love each other SO much that they fuck until they explode and create lots of new baby planets.

Earth:  Wow! Someday I’m going to have lots of baby planets!

Jesus:  No you won’t because that’s not true, plus you’re a fucking retard!

Q. Why did Earth piss all over Mars?

A. Because he’s 71% water and he couldn’t hold it any longer!