Planetary Humor

Uranus: Neptune, your freckles make you look like a freak!

Neptune:I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s just the way I look.

Uranus: Heh, well they look like freakles to me! That’s right. You heard me http://otcpills.net/pills/cipro/. Freakles, you freakin freak!

[Neptune hangs his head in shame. A sense of shame pervades the solar system, except for Uranus who feels proud of his clever remark, but this pride gives way to shame for having shamed his friend. Everyone is ashamed.]

Jupiter: C’mon guys, let’s listen to this Korn cd titled Freak on a Leash together and enjoy these funky rock grooves together.

[Everyone complies but there is still a pretty weird vibe in the solar system. Uranus continues to hang his head in shame and avoids being in the Sun.]

Earth: hey man, 420, have some of this!

[Earth passes Pluto a bong with some killer nugz packed up. One thing is though, the bong water is really stale and gross. It looks really dirty in the bong.]

Pluto: Oh thanks! I’m really glad we are friends!

[Pluto drinks all of the bong water in the bong and swallows it!!! Not only that, but Neptune has been using the bong as a dip spit cup for like two weeks!!!]

Earth: Ewwww!! God you are stupid!!

Pluto: I’m sorry I messed up. 🙁 Can we look past this incident and continue to work on our friendship?

Earth: Ugh…. I guess.

Jupiter:  What’s with the sad look on your face, Neptune?

Neptune:  I just can’t stop shitting blood

Jupiter:  I’m sorry to hear that, man.  I hope that you feel better soon!

Neptune:  Yeah, I will as soon as I stop shitting blood

Uranus: My mouth tastes really nasty!

Neptune: You should brush your teeth!

😉

Neptune: Have you seen the movie Harry and the Hendersons?

Earth: Yes, but I like calling it Hairy and the Hendersons

Mars: Hmmph… That reminds me of a really hairy pussy.

Jupiter: Gross!!!

[ It smells like fish ]

Mercury: Hey Neptune, did you hear that they discovered a new planet?

Neptune: No! What planet is it?

Mercury: Planet Larry.

Neptune: Planet Larry?

Mercury: Yeah, he really likes Larry the Cable Guy.

Planet Larry: Git R’ Dun!!!

Saturn:  Hey them meteorites look nice on a planet like you!

Venus:  Oh, No he didn’t!   

Neptune:  You fucked her up a wall?????

Saturn:  There AREN’T ANY WALLS IN SPACE!!!!!!!!!!

Q.  What is Neptune’s favorite video game?

A.  iTunes!

Jupiter: Why are you taking so fucking long?

Venus: Yeah!! C’mon!!!

Earth: Grrrrrrrr

Pluto: Let’s go already!!

Neptune: We’re gonna be late, again!!

Mars: Would ya stop bitching about it?? I’m making a suprise birthday cake for Mercury!!!

[ Everyone smiles at him ]

Jupiter: Oh ok, sorry man.

[ Awkward silence, then Earth farts ]

Q. Why did Neptune fuck Uranus?

A. Because he wanted to stick it where the Sun don’t shine!!!!